Pinkie Pie: What is in your fireplace?
Rainbow Dash: I don’t know… Don't make eye contact!
This fanfic may contain boring warnings, and you shouldn't read it if you're bored by warnings.
Rainbow Dash: I guess you're better try back here, Pinkie Pie, I'm not sure if I'm up for this.
Pinkie Pie: Nonononono. No worries. Do not worry. Pinkie is here for you in case you are made bored.
Rainbow Dash: OK, Pinkie Pie, I trust you.
Rainbow Dash: The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony in Ponyville was having a super day. The town square was bustling and crowded, and busy ponies filled the streets. Al the pony folks seemed to have somewhere specific to be, all except Rainbow Dash, one last soul in a little fish bowl.
Rainbow Dash: She tore freely through the air, speeding one way, then the next, buzzing tree tops and racing the wind. She's so great. The blue pegasus hooped over school yard, much to the delight of the children. Then it climbed several hundred feet into the air and dove! Streaking downward as fast as she could, seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open, and she folded up back into the clear blue. Rainbow Dash was awesome.
Rainbow Dash: The children go back inside, and write little stories about how they want to be Rainbow Dash Tyrannosauruses when they grow up.
Rainbow Dash: Suddenly, Dash remembered, that she had somewhere to be besides the fish bowl. She was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. Give and take a couple hours, since Dash didn't have a watch. Dash had gotten so caught up in her exercises, that she nearly forgotten to meet Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie hadn't said why, or what they'd be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie Pie, it could be anything. That day, Dash might save the world.
Rainbow Dash: Dash wasn't sure if she really wanted to go though. She was so engaged with her stunts, that she thought about blowing off Pinkie Pie to continue flying, but Dash didn't know what day it was, it was probably good to go somewhere with the calendar anyway. Besides, Pinkie said it was going to be something special just for the two of them. Dash considered and thought "Nah, why not." What did she have to lose? It might be more prancing. Pinkie might have found a bunch more stuff to pull on ponies, they had so much fun the last time. Dash kicked in overdrive to make up for the last time, and she speeded to her appointment, which at this time was completely overdue.
Rainbow Dash: When dash walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by Pinkie Pie, who was bouncing in excitement.
Pinkie Pie: "Yes, you're here. I've been waiting all day", said the jumping pony.
Rainbow Dash: "Sorry for being so late, Pinkie Pie. I tried to keep track of time through the sun, but it's super bright, and you're not supposed to look directly at it", Dash apologized.
Pinkie Pie: "That's okay, you're here now, what is a few more minutes."
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie has been so excited thinking of all the fun things pinkie is going to do. She had not stopped rubbing her hooves together, since she woke up. She almost forgot to breathe today as she has been so adjective-riented.
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie laughed, and Dash laughed too. Dash had always appreciated Pinkie's friendly outgoing way of life. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.
Pinkie Pie: "So, are you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? Pinkie has everything all ready for your demise… That is to said, Pinkie means your surprise. Yes."
Rainbow Dash: Dash psyched herself up. "Yep a doodle, Pinkie Pie. So what you got planned? We gonna prank somebody? I've got a couple of good ones I've been thinking about, involving a gorilla suit. But maybe you have got some stunts you think I should try? You know, involving a gorilla suit? Or maybe…"
Pinkie Pie: "MAKING CUPCAKES, Mhehehehe."
Rainbow Dash: "Baking?" Dash said disappointed. "Can I wear a gorilla suit, cause I brought a gorilla suit."
Pinkie Pie: "Whatever. Pinkie only needs your help making them. Pinkie will be doing most of the work."
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake. Dash was puzzled. "I thought I was helping you bake."
Pinkie Pie: "You will be." I made this one just for you before you got here.
Rainbow Dash: "Oh, so, this is like a taste test or something?"
Pinkie Pie: "No!" Yes.
Rainbow Dash: Dash shrugged, put on her gorilla suit, and put the pastry into her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. It wasn't bad.
Rainbow Dash: "OK, now what?", Dash asks.
Pinkie Pie: "NOW YOU TAKE A NAP, Hehehehehe."
Rainbow Dash: Puzzled, Dash opens her mouth, but feels instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness wash over her, and the world spun.
Rainbow Dash: "Wow, Pinkie Pie", Dash said, stumbling, "have you ever seen an alcoholic frosting stuff?"
Pinkie Pie: "You were supposed to be unconscious."
Rainbow Dash: "Wow, this stuff is gonna be a huge hit at your parties" — Dash said, rolling over onto her back.
Rainbow Dash: The room was spinning all around like crazy, and Dash was pretty sure she was going to bump into something, if she stayed upright. Also, Dash has known to have a bit of a barfing problem.
Rainbow Dash: "You put too much dizzy stuff into cupcakes though." — The amazing flying gorilla Dash pointed out, helpfully. She just went on lame there. Actually, she felt kinda sick. Pinkie definitely used way too much dizzy stuff. That and too much sugar. It first seems like a good idea to first eat sweets and alcohol, but combining the two is actually pretty awful after a while. Too many sweets will make you sick, and then too much booze will do the same thing. It super sucks.
Pinkie Pie: "Well hey, Pinkie knows. Why don't you and Pinkie go downstairs, to the basement? There's lots of fun down there."
Rainbow Dash: "I don't know", the super  gorilla Dash replied, "I think I'm gonna barf over here if I get up."
Pinkie Pie: "Dash, there's a tornado coming. We need to get to the basement right away."
Rainbow Dash: "Oh no!" yelled the brave, but wisely concerned Rainbow Gorilla. She jumped to her feet in a flash, then back down again in the thing most opposite of a flash.
Rainbow Dash: "Carry me please", begged Gorilla Dash the fantastic.
Pinkie Pie: "Pinkie does not remember this part of the story."
Rainbow Dash: "That's because it just happened, dude."
Pinkie Pie: "No, Pinkie remembers Dash being unconscious for the dramatic reveal. Yes? Yes."
Rainbow Dash: "Oh. I didn't want to miss any of the story."
Pinkie Pie: "Pinkie thinks you did not read the story!"
Rainbow Dash: "I did! I mean, I skimmed it buring breakfast. Ok, this is about as far as I got, but I think I see what's going anyway."
Pinkie Pie: "You cheat Pinkie!"
Rainbow Dash: "Well, what happens next then?"
Pinkie Pie: "Well, because you're still conscious, Pinkie must turn the lights off to the basement, then she draggs you down there."
Rainbow Dash: "Oh, okay. Why are the lights off?" Rainbow Dash, the best flier in Equestria asked.
Pinkie Pie: "You have to wait for the dramatic reveal!"
Rainbow Dash: "Are you talking to me, or are you talking to Rainbow Dash in the story? You have to say "Pinkie Pie says" if you're talking to story Rainbow Dash."
Pinkie Pie: "Wait for Pinkie's dramatic reveal!" Pinkie says. Yes. Wait for Pinkie's dramatic reveal.
Rainbow Dash: "OK", Rainbow Dash replies, we're banging to a bunch of stuff down there. You trump your chins.
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie strapps you down. She holds your shins with leather straps, puts presses around your chest, and she spreads your legs wide apart.
Rainbow Dash: Am I on, like, an  table? I'm still intoxicated though. You don't have permission.
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie doesn't need your permission. You're restrained, and now, we play the waiting game. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: OK, waiting for what? Cause honestly I'm beginning to doubt the integrity of the story here. See, cause unless you're making a surprise examination, because I forgot an appointment, I'm not sure I'm totally cool with where this is going. Gorilla Dash is like "No, Pinkie Pie." So she said "no", okay?
Pinkie Pie: Shut up to Pinkie Pie. We're waiting for you to be sober.
Rainbow Dash: "Oh. OK, can I get some water?" — Dash asks.
Pinkie Pie: "No!", Pinkie says. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: "I have to go to the bathroom", Dash says.
Pinkie Pie: "You should have gone before you came over here", Pinkie says.
Rainbow Dash: "But I did, and then I have to goooo. Pinkieeeee!"
Pinkie Pie: "Fine." Pinkie unties you, and you go to the bathroom.
Rainbow Dash: Ha, I totally get a drink while I'm there. Outsmarted by the super intelligent Gorilla Dash, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash returns and Pinkie reties you. Then you get better from the poisoned cupcake. You are conscious again.
Rainbow Dash: Oh, hey, speaking of cupcakes, am I not I supposed to help you bake some? "Can I help you bake cupcakes", Dash asks.
Pinkie Pie: "Yes", Pinkie says, yes. You do help Pinkie. She requires the special ingredient. A DASH of special ingredient, one might even say. Muhehe, muhehe, Muhehehahaha.
Rainbow Dash: Or a PINCH, even.
Pinkie Pie: You are resented by Pinkie. — Is cupcakes in any window? — No.
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie reveals a cart on trolleys, contain a sharp medical tools and knifes, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as large medical bag. There's also the frog.
Rainbow Dash: I can't see it, it's too dark, don't you remember the lights are off?
Pinkie Pie: Well, Pinkie goes to turn on the lights.
Rainbow Dash: You bang your shins again on your way over there.
Pinkie Pie: Shut up. Pinkie likes to bang her shins.
Pinkie Pie: The lights come on, and the room is decorated with typical Pinkie Pie Flair. Colorful streamers, of dried entrails hung from the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were attached to the walls, organs done with open pastel were filled with helium and tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chares themselves are made from bone and skin, and they were outrageously uncomfortable.
Rainbow Dash: "Ooh, spooky," — Dash says, appreciating the trouble, — "holiday decorations are cool. Did you see the pharmacy? They cut holes in plastic pill bottles and put lights in them. It's pretty neat."
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie is better than the stupid pharmacist! She also wears a dress cut off from dried skin, embezzled with cutie marks. On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all of different colors. Pinkie skipped around, cluttering together a necklace of several unicorn horns.
Pinkie Pie: "Do you like it?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Pinkie made it herself."
Rainbow Dash: "I don't know. What are you supposed to be?" Dash asked. "I'm a gorilla."
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie is... not sure what she's dressed as. "It is superior to gorillas. Yes."
Rainbow Dash: "Oh, cool costume then," — Dash says.
Rainbow Dash: So, Mrs. Cake is like, "Pinkie, are you down there? I need some brown sugar and I'm out of here."
Pinkie Pie: What? Mrs. Cake?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, she opens up the door, and she sees me tied to the table in my gorilla suit, you know, with my legs spread, and you're, like, leaning over me in your costume.
Pinkie Pie: No, nono, Mrs. Cake, she's at the convention, of baking, yes. A baking convention.
Rainbow Dash: Na-ah. That was Mr. Cake that went to the convention. Mrs. Cake is right here.
Pinkie Pie: "Uhm. This is not what it looks like", says Pinkie.
Rainbow Dash: "Pinkie Pie, can I talk to you upstairs?", Mrs. Cake asks.
Pinkie Pie: "Okay, okay." Pinkie goes upstairs, but Pinkie places the frog upon your chest. She commands you to assimilate.
Rainbow Dash: "Ok." Rainbow Dash says she'll try.
Rainbow Dash: You go upstairs, and Mrs. Cake is like "Pinkie Pie, did you remember to take stock on the inventory like I asked you?"
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash, you think you have cornered Pinkie, but she have plan for an emergency. Yes. Pinkie deploys the life raft!
Rainbow Dash: It's no use. She's immune!
Pinkie Pie: Impossible!
Pinkie Pie: "Mrs. Cake, Pinkie can explain…"
Rainbow Dash: "Pinkie Pie", Mrs. Cake does the explaining, "When I was a filly, we didn't do this kind of things. I'm not judging you, but we let you rent a room at Sugarcube, and that's all. You have to pay extra to do this sort of things in our basement."
Pinkie Pie: "How much extra? Pinkie demands to know."
Rainbow Dash: "Well, enough to cover the cost of, like, finding an entirely new storage space and moving all the stuff down there, to the new place", she says, "So it costs a lot extra."
Pinkie Pie: "How much has Pinkie paid?"
Rainbow Dash: "Not enough for all that", Mrs. Cake says.
Pinkie Pie: "Curses."
Rainbow Dash: "Also, we'd appreciate if you didn't do things like this during business hours", she goes on, "you're supposed to be watching the registry, and besides, it scares customers away."
Pinkie Pie: "Pinkie was on break", says Pinkie, "Yes." Mhehehe, Pinkie is very tricky.
Rainbow Dash: "Did you clock out?" Mrs. Cake asks.
Pinkie Pie: "Yes."
Rainbow Dash: "Ok, because I haven't seen you up here for, like, an hour.
Pinkie Pie: "Pinkie's on lunch."
Rainbow Dash: "That's half hour"
Pinkie PIe: "Then she took a smoke break"
Rainbow Dash: "Well, you don't smoke, and that's only 15 minutes."
Pinkie Pie: "Then Pinkie had to pee, who are you? The pee police? Timing Pinkie? The Pinkie is innocent! You are discriminating Pinkie!"
Rainbow Dash: "I don't want o start timing bathroom breaks, Pinkie Pie, but trust me, Rainbow Dash’s supervisors, heard that excuse like a million times, and let me tell you, he times pee brakes now, so if Rainbow Dash has timed pee breaks, so do you."
Pinkie Pie: "Pinkie will put your name in the hat twice tonight!"
Rainbow Dash: "You have to say goodbye to your friend and get back to work now, or I'm gonna write you up, dude."
Pinkie Pie: "Who do you write up Pinkie to? Mr. Cake? He doesn't have the nerve to discipline Pinkie!"
Rainbow Dash: "Pinkie Pie, don't antagonize your boss! If you get written up three times, you get fired!"
Pinkie Pie: "Fired? Very well, Pinkie plays your game. She'll return to work, but Pinkie will not forget this day."
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie returns to Rainbow Dash and unties her.
Pinkie Pie: "Rainbow Dash", says Pinkie, "you have to go home now, Pinkie is grounded."
Rainbow Dash: Ok, Rainbow Dash goes upstairs and heads for the door. Another day of Pinkie Pie's playtime complete.
Pinkie Pie: "Dash will come back after a little tonight, after closing time. Yes."
Rainbow Dash: "Well, actually, Pinkie Pie", Dash says, "I feel like things are moving kinda fast, I mean, you came on really strong, and I've got a lot of stuff going on in my life, I just need time to think, you know. Besides, I'm saving myself for the Wonderbolts."
Pinkie Pie: "But Pinkie plans things to you the Wonderbolts will not conceive!"
Rainbow Dash: "Ok, wow, desperate much", Dash says, "It's not about what Wonderbolts will do, it's about the Wonderbolts"
Pinkie Pie: "No! But you have to come back. Yes. The story! You cannot betray Pinkie!"
Rainbow Dash: "Sorry, dude, Dash goes home. No hard feelings or anything, she probably just wasn't expecting this so suddenly."
Pinkie Pie: "No. Pinkie will have Dash again, if is the last thing she remembers to do this day"
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie prows to Rainbow Dash’s cloud house, where she prepares an ingenious plan!
Rainbow Dash: Oh, oh, you get out a stereo and you sing a song for Rainbow Dash. It's so cheesy, but she's totally gonna love it.
Pinkie Pie: …
Rainbow Dash: Oh, come on, man, sing a song and win back Dash's heart! Oh my god, this fic is totally awesome.
Pinkie Pie: "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea…"
Rainbow Dash: "No, not that. Romantic song."
Pinkie Pie: "Dash. Pinkie takes you to a gay bar. Pinkie takes you to a gay bar."
Rainbow Dash: "You gonna have to do better than that, Pinkie Pie."
--- Song sung by Pinkie Pie ---
Ooga-chaka, ooga ooga ooga-chaka
Pinkie has this feeling
Deep inside of Pinkie
Dash, you just don't realize
What you do to Pinkie.
When you hold Pinkie
In your arms so tight
You let Pinkie know
What you feel like.
Is hooked on a feeling.
She's high on believing.
That Dash goes home with Pinkie!
Pinke brings Dash candy!
Get inside her van!
Come to Pinkie's basement
To execute Pinkie's plan!
Pinkie brings drugs for you, girl
To put inside your spine.
Soon your feathered wings
Will be Pinkie Pie's!
In Pinkie's basement
We are all alone
Pinkie will gut you!
It turns Pinkie on!
Is hooked on a feeling.
She's high on believing.
That Dash goes home with Pinkie!
Pinkie Pie: "Come one with Pinkie! Yes"
Rainbow Dash: Oh man, Dash is like super impressed, you can see it all over her face. No one has ever done anything like this before. But still, she's like, I don't know, Pinkie, I mean, there's a lot of conflicts, like, the first big one is that you're not a Wonderbolt. The other one is… well, like, the biggest thing is that you're not a Wonderbolt, and I don't know if I could ever overcome that with anyone.
Pinkie Pie: You cheat Pinkie!
Rainbow Dash: Heart is a turbulent place.
Pinkie Pie: Go go Power Rangers, na-na-na-na-na.
Rainbow Dash: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! How did you know? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! We've got to be soul mates.
Pinkie Pie: Yes! So you will come home with Pinkie?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, man, oh my gosh! Yeha whatever. Gorilla Dash is so excited. This is, like, the best day in her life. She's like go back to Sugarcube and I meet you there, in an hour.
Pinkie Pie: Ok. Yes. Pinkie goes to the Sugarcube and waits expectantly here for an hour.
Rainbow Dash: Oh my gosh. What are you gonna wear?
Pinkie Pie: Uhm. Pinkie wears latex gloves, and a surgical cap.
Rainbow Dash: And underwear from the backroom of Rarity's boutique, ok, ok?
Pinkie Pie: Ok. Yes. It is… sterile. Very clean. Itchy. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: Oh, nonono, nono, you dress like a Wonderbolt. In underwear from Rarity's backroom.
Pinkie Pie: Which one?
Rainbow Dash: I don't know, just pick one.
Pinkie PIe: Soarin.
Rainbow Dash: OK, I knock on the door.
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie opens the door.
Rainbow Dash: Dash is there, still dressed as a gorilla, but also as a Lord Zedd. She's dressed as a gorilla, dressed as Lord Zedd.
Pinkie Pie: Pinkie is Soarin.
Rainbo Dash: This is so awesome. This is gonna be so awesome. It's gonna be just like kissing one of Wonderbolts.
Pinkie Pie: Yes. Come to Pinkie's basement.
Rainbow Dash: Oh. Mr. and Mrs. Cake said you have to move all this stuff.
Pinkie Pie: Well then, help Pinkie move from the basement to her bedroom. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: Wow. Way to kill the mood, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie: Exercise is good for romance. Come. Help Pinkie move.
Rainbow Dash: Ok. We move all your haunted furniture and skulls and stuff to your bedroom. It's really cramped in here though, like, you can hardly move around or anything. You bang your shins.
Pinkie Pie: It is okay. It is all worth it. And Pinkie will have garage sales later.
Rainbow Dash: Awesome! Don't sell that snow globe though. You know, the one that I like.
Pinkie Pie: Ok, Pinkie keeps the snow globe. But for now, she lays Dash down on the table...
Rainbow Dash: Ok.
Pinkie Pie: She leans over Rainbow Dash, and straps her down...
Rainbow Dash: Oh my gosh.
Pinkie Pie: Can Rainbow Dash move?
Rainbow Dash: Oh my gosh, no. This is gonna be the best hug.
Pinkie Pie: Well, Pinkie looks Rainbow Dash in the eyes... Yes!
Rainbow dash: Ok.
Pinkie Pie: And then she gets the butcher knife...
Rainbow Dash: Oo-k…
Pinkie Pie: And then... She cuts Dash's wing off!
Rainbow Dash: Aaaaaaaaa, aaaaaaaa, oh my god! Oh my god! What the heck, man! Holy crap! Put it back on!
Pinkie Pie: No. It belongs to Pinkie now.
Rainbow Dash: No, it's mine, I wrote my name on it after they got turned around backwards then one time. I was worried they might fall off or something.
Pinkie Pie: Too bad! Pinkie erases your name and puts Pinkie on it.
Rainbow Dash: Why, Pinkie Pie? Oh my gosh, you've been possessed by the Nightmare Night heebie-jeebies! You have to fight them Pinkie. Don't let them in! Try to remember the good times!
Pinkie Pie: What good times?
Rainbow Dash: Remember... Remember that day when we were pranking everyone, and you tried to give me a high five, and I kept moving my hoof, so you broke my leg?
Pinkie Pie: That was a good time. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: That's the old Pinkie Pie. That's the Pinkie Pie that I felt in love with. Come on, keep fighting it. Remember that time when I borrowed your mp3 player, and replaced all the songs with those ponies helping each other drive monster trucks over a hot tub of a bunch of other ponies that were hugging?
Pinkie Pie: Yes. Pinkie cuts your other wing off!
Rainbow Dash: Aaaaaa, oh my gosh! You're not fighting very hard!
Pinkie Pie: Well, maybe Pinkie does as ever she pleases. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: Well, you know what? You know how that makes me feel?
Pinkie Pie: How does it make you feel?
Rainbow Dash: Well, I'm sorry I have to say this, but it makes me feel awfully disappointed. But... I still love you.
Pinkie Pie: Well, do you want to know how Pinkie feels?
Rainbow dash: Regret?
Pinkie Pie: No! Pinkie feels she will turn your wings into a hat!
Rainbow Dash: Well, that is just… Actually, I guess you're gonna have the fastest hat in all of Equestria.
Pinkie Pie: Yes. Pinkie will put drinks in it, and then she set victory in her speedy hat.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, ok, well, now that I understand what you're doing, I guess I'm not so disappointed. Maybe a little boozy though.
Pinkie PIe: Pinkie Pie is not treating for shock.
Rainbow Dash: Well, I am pretty shocked anyway.
Pinkie Pie: So…
Rainbow Dash: So... you gonna let me borrow that hat some time?
Pinkie Pie: Yes. When you're dead. Pinkie kills Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash: Ouch! Ok. I guess I'm a ghost now.
Pinkie Pie: How is it?
Rainbow Dash: Well, I don't know. I'll try taking a nap and not doing my job, and then I tell you if it's pretty much the same thing as always.
Pinkie Pie: Well…
Rainbow Dash: Ok. Rainbow Dash takes a half-hour nap. She wakes up, and yep, not too much different. Hey, do you think there's, like, ghost Wonderbolts?
Pinkie Pie: If there's ghost Rainbow Dash, then maybe. Yes.
Rainbow Dash: Then Dash joins ghost Wonderbolts. It's awesome!
Rainbow Dash: So… The End!
FiMFlamFilosophy: The lights come on, and the room is decorated with pic… pickles.
FiMFlamFilosophy: The lights come on, and the room is decorated with pickles!