Epic Cupcake Time

Pinkie Pie: Epic Cupcake Time! I'm Pinkie Pie, this is Rainbow Dash. Right now, she's Rainbow Glasses.
Rainbow Dash: You know!
Pinkie Pie: And today, we're gonna show you how to make crazy cupcakes! Call Twilight Sparkle. Sh[yay]t's about to get magical. Got my magnum of rainbow juice, about to change the friendship game. Whatcha know about sugar comas?
Rainbow Dash: Uh... yeah?
Pinkie Pie: Just got back from Applejack's place, stole five bags of sugar. Now, we're gonna use it. More sugar. More sugar! More sugar!
Rainbow Dash: Uh, Pinkie Pie... That's a lot of sugar.
Pinkie Pie: Now the flour. [mixing flour] This ain't your mother's milk[?]. Now we add the rainbow juice! [yay]'s smart! Now to toast these bitches, got my home dragon Spike, about to get hotter than a rainbow! I know!
[flames roaring]
Pinkie Pie: All these cupcakes look like blank flanks. Time to decorate.
Rainbow Dash: About to get all "Sonic Rainboom" on these bitches!
Pinkie Pie: Flowers! Rainbow! Friendships! F[yay]kin' beautiful!
Rainbow Dash: Pile on the frosting! More frosting! So! Much! Frosting! Gonna need another Winter Wrap-Up by the time this is done!
Pinkie Pie: You're sitting at home crying like a little bitch, I'm here with these beautiful ponies. What now, hater?
Pinkie Pie: Next time... we eat Apple Jacks.
Applejack: Beg your pardon?

Epic Pie Time

Pinkie Pie: Today, we have Applejack here.
Applejack: Uh... howdy?
Pinkie Pie: And Rarity too... if she didn't decide to pussy out! Call her up. Tell her she's a little bitch. We're about to go "pony-fabulous" on all these apples.
[Epic Pie Time (I'mma get drunk off this @#$%!)]
Pinkie Pie: Epic Pie Time here at Sugarcube Corner, about to get down with some apple pies. Granny Smith. Big Macintosh. Golden and red delicious. Applejack Daniel's, mutha[squee]ka, what up?!
[apples mashing]
Pinkie Pie: Next level mushing apparatus.Next, we add the sugar, spice, and everything nice. But we ain't got no Chemical X! Instead, we got the good sh[squee]. Apple-J-D!
[bottle shatters]
Pinkie Pie: Time for the crust. First the flour. Then the water. And now, the eggs.
[eggs break]
Pinkie Pie: Applejack beatin' those eggs like she beats Apple Bloom.
Applejack: What'd ya say?
Pinkie Pie: Nothing. Just um, keep beating. Time to mix it up. What up, egg beatah?!
Vinyl Scratch: Let's spin this sh[squee]t!
[music: "Existence VIP" by Excision and Downlink]
Pinkie Pie: More Applejack Daniel's!
[bottle shatters]
Pinkie Pie: Now, time to bake these bitches.
[oven door thuds]
Rainbow Dash: Ugh! How am I gonna pay for all this?!
Pinkie Pie: You like cartoons? We got cartoons.! You get one-month-free trial of all the cartoons you want, and we get cupcake money! Don't you f[squee]k this up for me! I need my cupcake money!
[oven dings]
Pinkie Pie: Done! And now, things get delicious. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. Hay bacon strips. And now, we cream on this bitch!
[whipped cream spraying]
Pinkie Pie: Okay, now which one of ya [squee]s is gonna eat this beast?!
[door bursts open]
Rarity: Which one of you f[squee]ing pieces of sh[squee]t called me a bitch?! [screams] [eats loudly]
Pinkie Pie: Next time, we eat Skrillex.

Epic Wub Time: Musicians of Ponyville

Twilight Sparkle: Ah, what a beautiful day. Time to get to my studies an
Twilight Sparkle: Aah!
Vinyl Scratch: Aw, yeah! Good morning, Ponyville!
[Epic Wub Time: Musicians of Ponyville]
Interviewer: So, Octavia, what are your mornings usually like, living with a DJ?
Octavia: I wake up every morning, I come downstairs, she's doing the dishes. She's great, right? A roommate who does the dishes. Only... one problem. She cleans them with... wubs. Ugh.
Vinyl Scratch: We crank that bass up to 11, it cleans off the dishes on a microscopic level! Yeah!
[glass shatters]
Octavia: I was going to be first-chair cellist for the Royal Canterlot Symphony. How is this my life?
Interviewer: It seems your roommate Octavia has very refined tastes. Does that ever lead to, say, clashes between the two of you?
Vinyl Scratch: What? Oh! Nah, nah, man, she's cool. I mean, yeah, she can get kinda snooty now and then, but... what can ya do? S'all good. I mean, for instance, she's got real high standards. Like, one time, I hooked her up with this wicked-cool dude and she totally snubbed him! What's up with that?
Octavia: Vinyl knows all of the really great musicians in town, and she introduced me to a violinist I... well, rather admired from afar, but hadn't had the chance to meet professionally. We met at Sugarcube Corner for a spot of tea, but... things quickly... got out of hoof.
Octavia: [giggles]
Pinkie Pie: Who's up for a cupcake-eating contest?!
Violinist: [groans angrily]
Octavia: A-are you... alright?
Violinist: Yes, but I can never resist a challenge!
Octavia: Uh...
Violinist: Ah told you! Ah told you I'd win! Next time, Pinkie... next time, I'll eat all your cupcakes!
Pinkie Pie: [meekly] Please, no...
Octavia: It could have gone better.
Vinyl Scratch: I dunno, he seemed like a cool guy to me. What did I tell ya? Up. Tight. Actually... I think I still have his number!
[smartphone beeping]
Vinyl Scratch: Why do I even have this?
[burning, minor explosion]
Interviewer: So, Octavia, although you have your share of differences, it seems the two of you still manage to live together in harmony. Is that fair to say?
Octavia: Well, yes, we do share our differences, but Vinyl usually means well. There was that one time when she saved Ponyville from certain destruction.
Discord: [laughing evilly] Oh, I'm so happy I decided to come back and take over again. Oh, this is far easier than I ever expected it would... Hold on. Who are you?
Vinyl Scratch: Alright, everypony, take a seat. I got this.
Discord: [laughing] And what, pray tell, is that?
Vinyl Scratch: Aw, it's nothin' special. It's just my bass cannon!
[loud dubstep starts playing]
Discord: [screams]
Rainbow Dash: So... awesome...
Vinyl Scratch: Even though we have our differences, Octavia's still one of my best friends. She's one of the most generous ponies I know, and always helps me out in a jam.
Octavia: Hey, do you want the rest of the sandwich?
Vinyl Scratch: [loud gasp]
Vinyl Scratch: [crying] She really taught me what friendship could mean that day... and it was delicious.

Epic Crossover Time: Uncle Chan Adventures

[raining, thunder]
[sounds of Spike sneaking, taking cookie]
Spike: Oh secret cookie stash! How I love you so!
[thunder, twice]
Twilight Sparkle: [yawning] [groggily] Spike? What are you doing?
Spike: [shuddering]
Uncle: Aii-yaaaaaaa!
Spike: [screaming]
[Jackie Chan Adventures theme music]

Epic Rage Time: The Incredible Derp

Derpy: Hello, Mr. Cake! I'm here to pick up today's Lemon Muffin Surprise!
Mr. Cake: Good morning, Derpy. I'm sorry, but we just ran out of them.
Derpy: W-Wha... What do you mean... "ran out"?
Mr. Cake: Uh, somepony just bought the last batch. How about a cupcake instead?
Derpy: Cupcakes aren't for breakfast! Who took them?
Mr. Cake: Snowflake! It was Snowflake!
Derpy: [screams]
[Epic Rage Time: The Incredible Derp]
Derpy: Derpy want muffins!
[glass shatters]
Derpy: Have you seen my muffins?!
[bird chirping]
Lyra: Hands...?
Bon Bon: She means no.
Derpy: [screams]
Twilight Sparkle: [gasp] Derpy! Why are you so upset?
[ponies screaming]
Derpy: Derpy want muffins!
Twilight Sparkle: What if we baked you new ones?
Derpy: It was Lemon Surprise!
Twilight Sparkle: [screams]
Princess Celestia and royal guard: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: [screams]
[glass shatters]
Twilight Sparkle: Oof!
Princess Celestia: Oh! Hello, Twilight.
Princess Celestia: Mother of me...
Derpy: NO!!!
Snowflake: [munching]
Derpy: [roars]
[lasers firing]
Derpy: [growls]
[ponies screaming]
Vinyl Scratch: Alright! A laser show!
Mr. Cake: Wait! Derpy! I made a mistake! We had one left!
Derpy: Yay! [munching]
Vinyl Scratch: Boo! More lasers!
Princess Celestia: Maybe I should visit them more often...

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